Dracula, You Need A Better Coffin
Phil Mills, November 2009
TTTO: Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter
      by Trevor Peacock

Dracula, you need a better coffin,
Splinters sharp as these can be a pain
And it's dry; you want one fireproof.
Try steel or fibreglass; it ain't no good in pine.

No, you can't return it once you've bought it,
Customers all keep them, no complaints.
Oak's not bad; some choose the bamboo ones,
I've made it clear, I think, they ain't no good in pine.

Private redoubt, hidden from the crowd...
Well, pick something out, with each choice a free shroud!

If Van Helsing comes around to see you,
Show him that your tastes are rich and fine.
Say it proud, though stabbed right through the heart
And falling to your knees, "This stake's so gauche; it's pine."

Private redoubt, hidden from the crowd...
Well, pick something out, with each choice a free shroud!

If Van Helsing comes around to see you,
Show him that your tastes are rich and fine.
Say it proud, though stabbed right through the heart
And falling to your knees, "This stake's so gauche; it's pine."

Dracula, you need a better coffin [Repeat and Fade]