One Puff Too Many
 - Phil Mills
TTTO: Suzanne, by Leonard Cohen

Puff takes you down to his cave by the seashore.
You can't see much for thick mist,
You can barely stand the sulphur
And you know that he's gone crazy,
Saving string and wax and oysters
And he calls this jetsam 'fancy'
Though it all says, "Made in China"
And just when you start to tell him
That this scene is far too kinky
Then he tunes in to that wavelength,
Gives the culinary option,
"You could always stay for dinner."
And you hope there's rescue coming
'Cause you're surely in a bind
And you're sorry for the teasing
But you thought he only loved you for your mind.

And Jesus was a sailor
Which has no place in this story  (ahem...false start).

But Jackie joined the Navy
When he got a little older
And had spent a long time listening
To the songs of "Village People"
And when Puff knew for certain
That the noble kings and princes
Had said, "That thing's just a longship with
A strangely mobile tail piece"
Then he placed ads on Craigslist
'Til he found a perfect body.
One front claw, almost gripping
Is pressed upon your sternum like a stone.
And you hope there's rescue coming
'Cause you're surely in a bind
And you're sorry for the teasing
But you thought he only loved you for your mind.

Now Puff takes your hand
And some other parts you're fond of.
He is shedding scales like raindrops
Or metallic, noisy dandruff.
Some old knight pours down invective
On nude ladies in the harbour
And Puff signs: you should shut up,
Points to the garbage on the shoreline;
There are heroes in the seaweed
If you count the bits and pieces.
You keep cutting out chained dolls
Much like a hundred paper Jackies
While Puff loses patience.
And you hope there's rescue coming
'Cause you're surely in a bind
And you're sorry for the teasing
But you thought he only loved you for your mind.